The Madwoman's Lair|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Sandra Sparks' LiveJournal:
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|Friday, March 4th, 2011|
|Writer's Block: Life's lessons
If you could confront the worst teacher you've ever had, what would you tell him or her?
"You taught me a lot." I've turned into a pretty good teacher by learning what NOT to do!
|Thursday, December 16th, 2010|
|Writer's Block: A latte for every day of the year
If you unexpectedly won a $10,000, how would you spend it?
When you have not had much money for a very long time, this becomes really precious. I would only spend it on necessities as I work my way up in the work I do now, so I can build a career that won't pull out, like a rug, from under me.
|Wednesday, October 20th, 2010|
|Wednesday, March 17th, 2010|
|Thawing out on St. Patrick's Day
I feel like I'll be spending St Pat's on a deserted island, but I will still celebrate.
I am heading out for the first of three walks today. I've been working my way up the ladder - yesterday for the first day in months, I had no cane. I couldn't make myself do it for the first walk, but by the second I was out and about.
This is end time regarding money. Resources are tapped out. I had a dream showing how empty Kentucky is for me - nothing here. I have spent too much time writing to make money and getting too little back, being rewarded by finding I have peripheral arterial disease (no more hours and hours on the computer) and crap else. But I keep going.
I am back on the plays. I finished the second draft of Shakespeare's Eyes (finally where I want it), and am formatting it as I go back to Magic Circle and The Beast Garden for another round. You have to write a lot of plays to get one ready. I've written twelve full versions of plays and dozens of parts in three years, to make one ready to submit. What I've gone through in the last year seems to have allowed me the vision for seeing another side of the chess game that is playwrighting, because this time it's all easier. You have to learn how to have your guts ripped out and not lose yourself.
I'm spending as much time today as I can outside. It's still gray but that's the way it is. I'm going to rev up the CD player (ipod? ha!) and head out. Have a good day. Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig!
|Friday, January 22nd, 2010|
|Sorry that I've been unreachable
It's been over a week since my computer fell victim to a booter virus, which killed not only that very necessary machine, but my magicjack phone, which was also infected. I do have a prepay cell phone now, but I am already almost out of minutes, using it to do what the computer couldn't do anymore. I now have an ancient but sweet old lady of a computer I have borrowed, and have been trying to catch up with work since Tuesday.
The heating bill came yesterday. I wish I could go with cold, but if I am cold I can't move, and I can't work. It was not as terrifying a bill as I thought it would be, but that doesn't matter one way or another.
I am spending way too much time turning everything I can into craft and art. It will not sell. But it's work that makes more sense to people who don't understand computers than what I've been doing with the writing.
I have none of my e-mail addresses and only a few of my phone numbers right now. All of that is locked in the poor computer along with the programs I need the most. I can't load much on here.
I am extremely glad that there is a web version of basic photoshop, and most of my photos are stored there. But my latest work on the plays, the latest writing, all my research notes, are in the computer.
I keep going.
Tomorrow we will have sun and it will be 60 degrees. Snow will be back on Sunday.
Keep on going.
|Saturday, November 21st, 2009|
|A deep sad week but still okay.
This week has been a rough one because my mood cycles are getting harder. I am just two shades up from a deep depression, and I am not rising any higher up. Good thing I can act.
At this point, that is possibly a good thing. If I can only rise a little higher up, I'll either be stuck in panic or the furies. If I managed to rise a little higher - that's suicide level depression and when my cycles are way off that can be tough to get out of on my own (don't worry, I would have to be in really really bad shape to be a danger to myself). I know I can't make it back up to normal right now.
I start working Light Up Old Towne tonight, back in costume, my small harp repaired. I am proud of myself for managing to figure out how to redo the pegs on my own, and the harp is finally holding its tuning again.
A professional psychic contacted me for a lesson this week and drove home what I've been nagged about for over a year - this is my field. After her lesson was over, she gave me some suggestions about becoming known. She's read my book, read my articles, and had nothing but good things to say about my work. Then she gave me a message - I'm not moving fast enough. She used the exact words my spirit guide used earlier on this week, so I am going to stop laying too much on myself. I have promises to keep about Shakespearean things but little feedback on people wanting to join the project. It will continue and the plays will be completed, but the psychic work is coming up front burner and high heat.
I talked to my sister yesterday. I told her the depression is becoming a serious problem. I am living in a house too much like the house I was isolated in for so much of my life and right now I am isolated again. I hope that will change starting today.
I must go get ready for the festival. I hope people come - they planned this at the last minute - just three weeks of planning! But people love Christmas here...
|Sunday, November 8th, 2009|
|So it's been awhile...
If this move to Kentucky has taught me anything at all, it's what I already knew: the world is beautiful, this place is lovely, but there's no place like home.
I actually vented this week and in the middle of the ngith howled like a wolf: "I wanna go home!!!!"
Why not? There isn't anyone here to listen.
The only old friend I had here basically said "Hello! Good to See You! You don't belong here! Go home!" I have seen him once in two months.
The first time I lived here a whole new world opened. This time it's all closed down. I basically have solitude to work in, no money, and lots of work, broken only by walks and a couple of outings with family. That's it.
By the time this place is finished with me I'll be able to pile what's left of my stuff in a single car and head HOME.
Spleen vented and mischief managed.
Back to work.
|Tuesday, October 27th, 2009|
|Writer's Block: Forgive and forget?
Do you tend to forgive and forget or hold grudges? What is the longest you've ever stayed angry with someone? Is there anything the other person could say or do to win back your friendship and trust?
I get very angry when someone hurts me badly, but if I do anything about the hurt - which is usually saying to the person in no uncertain terms "you have hurt me!" I've been turned into a villain for saying something. The two worst times this happened I found out the other person told other people all sorts of things about me that were not true - and worse, had been doing this for some time. That's pretty frustrating. How do you fight such behavior?
The last time was the worst and still hurts badly if I think about it; I try not to. I don't know how long it will go on. Anger stops when it is stopped. It would take an effort on her part I don't think she begins to have the courage to make. If she had had some courage in the first place none of this would have happened. But when you deliberately do something very wrong, the last person you want around is the one person you know knows just how wrong a thing it was.
|Monday, August 17th, 2009|
|Shakespeare's Face, and the poverty fight goes on...
The last of the big web promotion projects is done, and ready to roll:http://www.wix.com/Shakespearesface/Shakespeares-Face
My website is now enticing, more professional looking, and full of offers - if someone will take them up!http://sandralynnsparks.com
Lot's of work done in the last few weeks - but only a few dollars came in. The bank will be completely empty, in, oh, two weeks, if nothing changes soon. In fact, I haven't all the rent right now.
Since I was last here, I had to leave the day job. I would have been broke at the beginning of last month if I had stayed.
I am trying to stay positive. I definitely keep plugging away. I hope something I have done breaks the log jam soon.
But I'll keep on keeping on...
|Monday, July 20th, 2009|
|I know it's been awhile...
I have continued pushing to get my business going well before the end of my day job -
Nope - no matter how fast I push, not enough.
I've been downgraded to two days - actually, seeing what my boss is like, the word should be degraded. I am going to find out today whether it will be better to take a meager profit sharing amount and go now (I'm not sure if that money is actually there) or continue on as long as I can.
The business is slowly growing, but it is definitely growing. I have new sales every week, but need more. I figured out a little late in the game how to make the most of the primary rule for any business - you have to let people know the who, what, when, and where of what you do, and keep on letting them know. 80% of the job is promotion, and it takes two years minimum to get a business really rolling. It's also supposed to take two years to get out of business debt and start making any profit.
Not that it can support me in any way, but I started a business with no debt and will continue to have no debt. My expenses at this time are minimal. I figured out how to spread the word to the best of my abiity, and I am doing it. Right now, I need enormous amounts of time, and the money to pay my personal expenses until this is all cleared up. So fast, heavy, hard work continues...and I am tired to the bone...
|Saturday, June 13th, 2009|
|Yes, it's been a long time...
I tend to work on facebook entries now, but there's a lot to catch up with.
My life changed for good on April 25, and everything has been a whirlwind ever since. That was the day I found out I'm not supposed to avoid being a psychic medium, I am a psychic medium, I can't just sit on the sidelines and teach about it. I am supposed to be doing IT, in all its forms. Within two weeks I knew I can trust my feelings. I won't say what, but I found a terrible lost thing when no one else could, and it helped a lot of people when they most needed it. It made me look at everything differently, and accept who I am, lock stock and barrel.
When I passed that point, my spirit guides finally went, "okay, we've been very patient, " and kicked in big time. And kicked my ass to boot.
Go to http://sandralynnsparks.com
for the details. See the Lizzie page - that's a big moment. My book is out, that's another. I have started my own business and there is much to do, but it is the right thing to do.
|Sunday, April 26th, 2009|
|For all who know Grandmother Goose...
Kelly Fields, who was at GARF for so many years as Grandmother Goose and Philomina bags, is a member of the Town and Gown Players in Athens, and lost three friends yesterday in the terrible shooting. Ben Teague was her first director when she moved to Athens, and she has mentioned him often over the years; Tom Tanner had just played Dr. Watson in their play Sherlock Holmes the night before he died, and Marie Bruce, the wife of the killer, George Zinkhan, was one of the officers and a set designer for the company.
Kelly was supposed to be there for the homecoming lunch where the killings took place, but had just received a phone call that changed her plans in time to keep her from being there.
Her granddaughter Stephanie had babysat for one of the victims' kids the night before, and her granddaughter Eris is friends with George and Marie's children, whom George had with him at the time he killed their mother. They didn't see what had happened - they thought there were firecrackers. George walked away from the scene, got in his Jeep and dropped the children off at a neighbor's house before he disappeared. As far as I know the police are still looking for him.
Two other people were injured by shrapnel, but they were not serious injuries - a father and daughter. I had a message from his other daughter last night, so relieved but still devastated.
Keep everyone with Town and Gown and at UGA involved in mind...
|Sunday, April 12th, 2009|
|Wednesday, March 18th, 2009|
|The pressure is on
...and I am not doing well with it the last two weeks. Yesterday a valve blew at work - there is NO business, has been only a handful of customers in the past week, and about the same in the weeks before. So all of us there (the Boss wasn't) talked and vented.
When they took me off full time they took away my ability to get unemployment unless they agree not to fight my filing. The Boss would - I can guarantee he will fire, not lay off, when the time comes.
Today I am gathering my things to sell. Unless something amazing happens I don't see being able to stay here much longer. I tried to get some work done this morning, but I haven't gotten it done yet.
I need the wave of panic to pass. I know it will. But i need it to move on NOW.
|Tuesday, February 24th, 2009|
|Stimulus Bill fed-upedness
Someone yet again complained about us getting screwed by the Stimulus Bill. I replied:The screwing has already occurred, for a number of years. People stopped thinking ahead and wanted it all, wanted it now. So everyone has been screwed. No waiting. It would not matter what is proposed, or by who, to try to right things: each proposal would have its own set of handcuffs and chains, each would stick around, each would leech off of us in some way. There isn't a thing about this problem that is not, now or for some time to come, difficult. The question now is: do we make a choice to complain about things and keep the negative crap going, or do we make the choice to do something to turn our own acre of the economy around and help balance things out a little sooner than it will be if we just expect the government or some other kind of rescue squad to take care of it?
|Monday, February 23rd, 2009|
|Steve Juhan has passed away
Steve Juhan, a longtime performer, chaplain, shopkeeper and friend from the Georgia Renaissance Festival, passed away this morning from complications of diabetes and a stroke at 11:30 am. If you know of any friends of his who may not know, please pass the word...he will be missed. Thank you.
|Friday, February 20th, 2009|
|The Wolf and the Boys who see wolves are different things.
I will not even bother to remember the name of the idiot who yelled in the Chicago Stock Market yesterday.
All these people who blew up the economy in the first place love to yell. Their toys have been taken away. Stop expecting the rest of us to do all the sacrificing, jerks.
Now: on the home front:
The real wolf has been chased from my door for a few weeks. So much work going on. I am still not organized as well as I need to be, and I MUST balance taking care of myself with taking care of business.
What I am expected to do - wow. I am being reminded of this every day now. My life has to be changed to support those expectations and my needs.
Caffaeine is not having a great affect on me this morning. I don't think I need it anymore. The engine is revved without it...
|Monday, February 16th, 2009|
|Writer's Block: In a Former Life
Do you believe in reincarnation? If your answer is "yes," describe some of your past lives.
So what is this? I came home to a mailbox full of reincarnation questions, was asked questions where I was this evening, and now, even you, oh livejournal? Jeez.
I've been through that here. I don't want to answer anymore. Just - I recall twelve lifetimes, nine of them well, four of them I've been able to verify against public or historical records, and I am finally at peace with all the lifetimes I recall.
Next time I'd like to be an architect...and male. Again.
|Sunday, February 15th, 2009|
|And we keep on ticking...
The rent will be covered another month.
I am a third of the way through writing a book called The Psychic Bones, requested by the psychic family at Chip Coffey. it will be available through Amazon.com when completed. It's actually been written again and again - all the years I have given advice on psychic matters. It's mainly an act of putting it all in order for a slender book on dealing with the basics of psychic awareness.
No, I can't predict the future (at least not all the time) or I wouldn't be in this fix...
I need to finish filling out my Linked in profile.
On my next off days I need to get back to the Tavern and get back on the book project. Plays are done; Unboxed needs to be geared up; grants need to be attended to.
I'm pretty busy for a broke old thing. And tired.
I still believe in yes we can...
|Friday, February 13th, 2009|
|So, the red-headed co-worker said...
"I am so irritated! I just want somebody here to be glad for me that I'm getting that four-carat brown diamond!"
And I said,
"Sorry, but I'm busy trying to figure out how to keep my home."
Her mouth hung open. At least she didn't say anything else.
I am beginning to understand why the French became so fond of the guillotine in the 1790's...